July 13, 2007. in connection with "Ironic"...

PLDT at Cyberzone-SM City North EDSA was the next destination. i met up with my brother there. he came from school. after inquiring about a new telephone line for my shop, i wanted to eat a brownie. on the way to Brownies, i was halted by a woman named Michelle. she asked me if i had a credit card, i didn't answer. she told me she was not gonna offer me one, it was just a requirement for me to win free movie passes. so then i was interested. she asked me to fill up the form and asked a few questions. she was talkative and loud, but it was okay. part of her job description, i guess. hmm...

before i knew it, i was pulled to a one-on-one presentation (according to Michelle it would only take approximately 45mins., 5:30pm pa lang non so pumayag ako) with Marvin. we talked and talked as i occasionally looked at his watch. medyo naaliw ako, tapos pagtingin ko sa relos niya, "waah! isang oras na?" then kala ko malapit na matapos, so hinayaan ko lang for awhile. i noticed it was taking so long. i was cold and shakey. Marvin noticed i kept on looking at his watch, he tried to hide it by using his sleeve. nasira tuloy button ng sleeve niya. but i was able to take another look and i said "8:00 na?!" he then said, "hindi. 7:30 lang yan. advanced yan para di ako ma-late."

by this time, he was rushing and went straight to the point. he told me about their savings plan, using words to make me want to avail of their service. i could pay in cash, using a credit card, check book, or atm. i said no, but this other guy sat on our table and was convicing me to use my credit card (wherein i was only a supplementary card holder), said he was so sure that my mom won't be angry if i swiped the card to open up a Trust Fund. so i answered, "personally, i do not want to use the credit card, because you know what a credit card is, right? you borrow money from the bank. i don't wanna use my mother's card to borrow money from the bank to open up a trust fund. i mean, it's MY trust fund. i would want to use MY money from MY savings to open up MY trust fund." he stopped trying to convice me and asked about other things in my Personal Information Form.

yeah, he was buying time. he started convincing again, i refused and told him that i really have to go. he said "sige may inaantay lang tayo." an applause was heard, someone signed a contract with them. the other guy sat with us again and tried to convince me again to use my mother's credit card. i refused again. it's not that their program is not worth it, i just didn't have P8,000 with me at the moment. too bad their offer was only for that day. it's like "take it or leave it." Marvin just wouldn't let me go. i told him repeatedly that i have to go, asked him what is it that we were waiting for, he came up with a different excuse everytime. he was stalling. i could here him sometimes saying "whoo! natatalo ako!"

finally, he just did a survey about what i liked about their program. i told him there was nothing wrong about their program since they are offering to open a trust fund for their client at the amount that the client can afford. it could be as low as P6,000+, and pay P1,000+ a month for either 5 or 7 years. it's okay to miss paying monthly as long as you make up for the missed payment. if ever you weren't able to pay for two years, you can move the date na titigil ka na magbayad. so let's say, tapos na yung 7 years... you then have to wait 8 years before you can get your money. 15 years yung plan nila. and since malaki ang interest ng trust fund (9% to 15% per annum), malaki din pera mo at the end of 15 years. owell... it just wasn't for me. Berkley Internation, Inc. that's what they're called. Marvin told me they weren't Family First, Inc., but according to facts, Danvil Holdings, Inc. (their head company) bought the management of FFI as well as other companies under Berkley.

grabe! i was there for more than two hours. two hours of waiting for my Honey and my brother, and two hours of coldness for me inside the presentation area. poor us.

i woke up this morning with a splitting, heavy headache. the sky told me it was gonna rain. so i figured maybe that was the cause of my headache. i took a tablet of paracetamol but that didn't work. grrr.

during class, i got severe abdominal pains again. he was sitting behind me, and when i told him about it, he massaged my nape. i don't know why he did it, but i didn't see any connection as to how the pain would subside if he massaged my nape. haha. but it felt good. and i'm angry at myself because it felt good. nung nawala yung sakit, then bumalik ulit, he touched my arm... then maybe he noticed that he was being touchy-feely so he pinched my arm after saying "kurutin na lang kita para malipat ung sakit dito." i used to tell him that, whenever he felt pain. i'd say "baliin na lang natin daliri mo, para malipat doon yung sakit." sigh. those were the days. grrr.

then he texted me in class.. about our classmates who used to be a couple. they were sitting beside each other and they were fighting... in class! so we talked about them: how i was so irritated with the guy because he's such a flirt, then he mentioned butting in but he said the girl might fall for him if he did... i asked him why he said the girl might fall for him.. he said it was a joke... when the topic was about my girlfriends telling me to use another phone to try and flirt with the guy to see if kakagat siya, then when i told him that the guy kept on looking at me then beloved said "yaan mo na" after i texted back and said "belat. gutom na ko." he didn't reply. nainis ako. kasi ayan na naman siya eh. bigla na lang hindi magpaparamdam. bibitinin na naman ako. ayaw ko na umasa!!! umasa na sa bawat sasabihin ko, magrerespond siya. hirap talaga ng ganito. na mahal mo pa siya, pero ayaw na niya. lalo na kapag nakahanap na siya ng iba diba? pero since ngayon wala pa siya sinasabi... walang reason para umiwas. hindi ko talaga magawang tumingin sa iba. nakakainis. siya lang, siya lang at siya lang. grrrr.

i'm really, really worried. about my ovaries. why do they hurt so much and so often? i really, really need to get them checked. grrr.

hmm.... i forwarded a quote to a few friends which said "do you believe in this quote? if two past lovers remain friends, it's either they are still in love or they never were.." one of them replied and said "i dunno.." i texted back and said "it got me thinking if it's true.." then she said "you think too much.." then i thought, who was she to tell me that i think too much? she doesn't even know me. i can say she doesn't know me because we were only introduced to each other last june. and we seldom get the chance to talk. and i just hate it when people do that. when people judge me just like that. yes, maybe i do think too much at times. but it doesn't reach a point wherein i over think. she also said "sometimes there are things that shouldn't be overthinked." yes, i was thinking if the sent message was true, but i wasn't overdoing it. i was done pondering on the text when i sent it to her. and it was a rhetorical question. it wasn't supposed to be answered. i just wanted to get across the message. because beloved and i are still friends. i mean, we still talk. so were we never in love in the first place or is it because we're still in love? well.. as far as i'm concerned, i still love him. i don't know if it's the same with him. hahaha. well, sabi niya mahal pa niya ko. but then that was a week ago. a lot can happen in a day. which means a lot can happen in a week. sigh. i figured that the reason for staying friends with a past love is not limited to those two reasons. there are other factors. i just don't like it when people judge me. especially if they don't even know me enough to do so. grrr.

it's official! this is the third night in a row na tumawag si beloved. the first one was about something, i forgot what. last night was about something i asked him. but this night he apologized. i got offended by what he said... when i answered the phone, the first thing he said was "suplada!"
"hindi ah. nagtetext nga ko sayo ngayon eh."
"wag ka na magalit. nangaasar lang naman ako eh."
then sabi ko "hindi ako galit. di ko lang feel na sinasabihan ng ganon."
"sorry."
"ok."
then he got an incoming call, he answered it. by the time he returned, we didn't have anything to talk about. i mean, he was quiet. i was quiet. well... he said he had to go home early 'cause his tummy was aching. so i asked him about it. then there was silence again. it felt like the first time we talked. when we were both stopping ourselves from saying something that would appear as if we cared for the other. well... i was stopping myself from expressing my feelings. i'm not quite sure what his reasons are. are we playing games here? i just hate this. grrr.

grrrrrrr! i don't like this. my keyboard is not working. i can't get it to work. i changed the batt na but still wala pa rin. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! double grrrrrrr! nakakahilo mgonscreen keyboard ah. grrrrrrrrrrr! my day will not be complete if i don't get this thing to work. my energy's draining. i feel so weak. hahahaaaaay.......... =,(